K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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