i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
