The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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