weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
