Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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