Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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