i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
