guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I just put wine in my tea
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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