why do cheetos always look like penises
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
