Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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