I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
