nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
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