By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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