Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize