If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
