Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
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did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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