happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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