what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
