i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
