I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need water and some morals
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
