ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
