dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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