I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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