I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize