You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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