dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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