I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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