Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
