dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize