I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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