Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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