After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
