College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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