can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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