Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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