my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
