She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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