The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
