He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
