Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
