you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
