yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
