By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
