pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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