Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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