I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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