i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
