Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
