i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
