Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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