i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
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today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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