I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
