Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
