He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
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I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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