This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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