I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
