You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
A+ Viking dick
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
