The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
