He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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