the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
